I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize