I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
