cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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