i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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