I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
