Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize