No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
