I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
