so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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