I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
