i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
