It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
third nipple confirmed
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
