she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize