you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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