I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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