i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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