when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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