dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
