DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
