Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
