she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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