At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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