she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
