I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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