physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
