so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
