i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
