we have officially lost it.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
