I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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