At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
