you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
