guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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