i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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