His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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