i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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