Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
