I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
