Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Enjoy the penises
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
