I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
