Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's not a walk of shame if you run
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
