What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
