So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
