Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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