I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
