living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
