Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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