please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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