dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
