3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
