Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
