I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize