i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
