fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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