I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
