If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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