I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
