Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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