dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
