Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
