Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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