What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
