wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
