I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
