Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
