gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize