woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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