2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
