She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
