shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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