I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
