There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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